Rush Limbaugh Pronounced Dead After ‘Major Cardiac Event’

Some very sad news from what’s left of the conservative media today.

Rush Limbaugh fell victim to years of abuse of food, drugs and liquor this afternoon when he died almost instantly while standing in line for his daily caramel macchiato and hazelnut scone. People near him said there was a horrible gurgling sound as he fell.

According to Jacob Montbleau, a barista at Starbucks in the building Rush worked in, there was no warning and nothing anyone could do:

“One minute he was standing there, weazing and having trouble breathing as usual, the next he’s oin the floor dead. You knew he was dead. Blood started pouring from his nose, his eyes were open and he shat himself but good.”

Rush has tried in recent years to clean up, and, quite frankly, nobody seemed to care. He’s one of the few “old school” conservatives left now that O’Reilly and Hannity are gone. Now he’s gone too.

No word on if a protege will take on the Rush radio show. All indications from Westwood One say it will probably just cease to exist and go into syndication with old recordings of Howard Stern.

The Limbaugh family has asked for privacy in their time of sorrow. They also wanted to squash a rumor that it was in Rush’s will to be buried with a custom-made Neil Young/Lynard Skynard T-shirt. “Rush will be buried in his khakis and polo shirt and a pair of comfortable loafers,” a spokesman for the family said.

No other information was available. Rush was 73.

About The Potatriot 128 Articles
The Potatriot is a Constitutional Conservative from the Constitutional Republic of the United States.

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