BREAKING: Hannity’s Bicycle Accident Will Cost Him His Life

What started as an almost humorous bicycle accident is going to cost us Sean Hannity.                                               .

Hannity’s doctors have exhausted all resources and tried everything in their power, but it won’t be enough to save him, according to a nurse who is acting as a go-between for information. Hannity’s bump and bruise fender bender with a Ford Pickup truck did far more damage than originally thought. The nurse told Crossroads correspondent Louis LeWeigh:

“Mr. Hannity isn’t going to survive. At this time they’re calling in close friends and family so he can share goodbyes. It’s very sad. He’s awake and lucid and while he’s in a lot of pain, he’s in good spirits.

He cried for a solid ten minutes when we told him his injusries were fatal. He couldn’t believe God already wanted him home.”

Hannity has already been given the last rights by his priest and is now sitting with his mother and younger sister. Fox and the other networks have still made no announcements, possibly at the family’s request.

There has been no talk yet of funerals or burial. It would seem odd considering he’s still very much alive. The nurse says Hannity is expected to succumb to toxic shock syndrome from pooled blood in his thoracic cavity by early tomorrow morning.

About The Potatriot 128 Articles
The Potatriot is a Constitutional Conservative from the Constitutional Republic of the United States.